Change in attitude!!

I feel like lately I have been to grumpy, to tired, to easily frustrated, and too negative, and I feel like I need a change of attitude and a change of pace to try to get out of this mood I've been in. So often we hear that today is a new day and it's better to make a change now then wait till later. So starting right now I'm making a change and trying to improve in any way I can...I will NOT be frustrated that Conner spilled juice all over the laptop and it's impossible to type because all the keys are sticking underneath..haha. Ok really right now!!

I was motivated yesterday to go running which felt awesome!!! It was the first time since we moved that I have had enough energy to get my behind moving. Unfortunately I did not continue the trend today but I do have a good excuse Conner was up all night tossing and turning for some reason...maybe because he took a 5 hour nap the day before, I actually had to wake him up from his nap. I know I know already starting with the excuses. Tomorrow, first thing in the morning I will take Conner for a run...well maybe after breakfast so that I'm not sick the whole time I'm running. My morning sickness is easing up a bit now which is good, the thought of food no longer makes my stomach turn. Poor Neal, I feel like I have been starving him as I have had a really hard time cooking because everything made me sick.

Part of my self improvement plan is to slow down and enjoy the little things that matter most and not worrying so much about day to day cares that most time we either can not control or they can wait. Summer days are coming to an end and signs of fall are all around us. I really do love this time of the year when we can enjoy the outdoors and take in the last few things that summer has to offer and look forward to the beauties of fall. Harvest time which always makes me reflect on the things of the year I enjoyed and things I learned and things accomplished and growth taken place in my life. Beauty and colors of fall always make me think of the comforting things that come along with fall, pies, cider, apples, soups that warm you up and hot tea on a cold morning. Even when fall turns ugly, when the trees lose all the leaves and it starts to turn dark and even a bit gloomy I think of the things in my own life that are dark and ugly that I need to shed and get rid of. I'm not sure why but this time of the year has always warmed my heart and made me reflect on things of the past. I always want to dig out all my old pictures and with a hot cup of tea and warm blanket enjoy moments from the past. This time of the year always makes me think of my brother as well and his family with holidays quickly approaching and family time upon us it makes me wish that they were closer that we could be all together.

Just the other day I was laying next to Conner watching him fall a sleep remembering the times when my brother used to play his guitar and sing me a song to get me to go to sleep. Being so much older than me he was in so many ways like a father figure to me. I still remember him taking me to the dentist on his motorcycle, I'm not sure how old I would have been, and I would not let the dentist come near me they had to chase me around the chair. The dentist never did get to do anything and my brother was SO mad at me. I just remember the ride home on the motorcycle, being in so much pain from the cold wind. He dropped me off by our vegetable garden which was a ways away from our house maybe a mile or so where my mom was working and I just remember her being so mad at me too. When my brother would go on dates he would take forever to get ready and I would always help him...wash his socks (a story for another day) get his clothes ready...after he came home from the army he even ironed his socks. I used to lock all the doors from the inside (we had these weird locks, the old fashioned ones that you could lock from the inside and needed a key to unlock them no dead bolts or anything) and I would take the key and hide behind this wall of shelves that we had, I was small enough to fit behind them but they were big enough to where he could not move them...ha ha...ohhh he would get so mad and I'm sure his date was not so happy that he was late all the time. Another really vivid memory that I have is when my brother had to go off to the army...he never said good by to me before he left and I remember going to school and the teacher asking me why I was so down and I guess I just ran to the bathroom and cried and cried. I'm not sure how long he was gone but it was probably a year or longer but I always looked forward to visiting him at his base. I was so excited to move to the states but to this day the hardest thing for me is knowing how far away he is and not being able to see him and his family.

Told ya...this time of the year always makes me reflect. Now that you know some not so interesting tid bits of my thoughts from the past few days I should try and get some sleep so that I have enough energy for that run tomorrow morning!!!

These couple quotes have inspired my change of heart these last few days.


Men are born soft and supple; dead, they are stiff and hard. Plants are born tender and pliant; dead, they are brittle and dry. Thus whoever is stiff and inflexible is a disciple of death. Whoever is soft and yielding is a disciple of life. The hard and stiff will be broken. The soft and supple will prevail.
~ Lao-tzu Quotes

The trick is in what one emphasizes. We either make ourselves miserable, or we make ourselves strong. The amount of work is the same.
~ Carlos Castaneda Quotes

We cannot choose our external circumstances, but we can always choose how we respond to them.
~ Epictetus Quotes

I love men who can smile in trouble, who can gather strength from distress, and grow brave by reflection.
~ Thomas Paine Quotes

Often people attempt to live their lives backwards; they try to have more things, or more money, in order to do more of what they want, so they will be happier. The way it actually works is the reverse. You must first be who you really are, then do what you need to do, in order to have what you want. ~Margaret Young

We tend to forget that happiness doesn't come as a result of getting something we don't have, but rather of recognizing and appreciating what we do have. ~Frederick Keonig