Just getting my thoughts out....words for me....

WARNING: this post just proves that I need to start a journal or possibly go completely private and keep a blog just for me :)

I'm not sure if anyone ever feels the same way but sometimes I just wonder what kind of parent am I!!! Constantly saying no or do not do that or stop. Say Thank you and please, put the lid down, and cover your mouth when you cough, excuse me and so on so forth. I feel like the biggest nag in the world and I wonder am I talking to a wall is this ever going to take?? What is the point if they do not even listen?!?!!?And then it happens you start to notice that all those times you felt like the worst parent in the world are starting to pay off and your baby starts to grow up and say thank you and please and he puts the lid down after he goes pepe (never mind the pee spray all around the toilet that accidentally gets away...he tries very hard) and he reminds YOU that you need to cover your mouth when you cough!!! And he says thank you and puts his dishes in the sink and his cup in the refrigerator and even helps to pick up after his brother without me asking and he picks up his toys with not TOOOOO much fuss. I'm so proud of my little boy who is growing up way too quick. Some days I feel like a failure as a parent and disgusted with myself for getting so frustrated or upset about something so insignificant but then he reminds me that he still loves me even when I do fail and he makes me want to try harder and be a better mom. He's my first born and I feel like I'm too hard on him sometimes!!! But I'm so glad that at the end of the night he always tells me he loves me and when his daddy gets home from work he tells him he had a fun day with mommy.....melts my heart.

My kids truly turn me to mush and the power that they have over me never ceases to amaze me.  Once you are a parent your life truly is never the same. Does the worry ever go away....are they safe, are they happy, are they healthy, am I doing the right thing, am I being too hard on them or not hard enough, will I mold them to grow up to be a well adjusted and functioning adults??? I know that all you can do is the best that you can and somehow believe that that is enough but then you read the news and you see these terrible people doing terrible things (I hate the news by the way) and you wonder what can I do to keep my kids from them and what can I do to keep my kids from becoming them. I know terrible thoughts this morning huh!!!! Did I mention I hate the news!!!! That's how all these thoughts started!!! I guess I just hope and pray and have faith that I am being the example I need to be to help my kids make the right choices and to teach them right from wrong and to make sure they know I am here for them when they need me. 

Now that I wrote this down I somehow feel better and maybe I can actually sleep tonight!!!! Ughh I hate the news!!!!